Sunday, May 20, 2007

 

not quite 5 weeks

so it's not quite 5 weeks - just 32 days pregnant - and still very early. I haven't really got excited about it yet. Absolutely terrified it's going to fall out. In the middle of last week I had two days of quite moderate constant pain in my lower abdomen. Tested positive right in the middle of that, but even though the pain's gone now, I still fear it was the fertilised egg being rejected and that my body's just waiting to expel it. Every time my breasts swell up and get sore (and I mean really sore - much worse than premenstrual!) my mood goes up, but then they return to normal and I get scared again. Am walking round feeling them it public just to keep constant check on their current state - very bad habit!!!

It's also really hard because I know just how Cagney feels, happy for me but terribly sad that it's not her at the same time, because I felt exactly the same when she was pregnant. In the end, I realised that if we manage to make a baby, once it's here it won't matter who gave birth, because we'll both fall in love with the baby - after all who doesn't love a baby? Doesn't make it any easier to watch Cagney go through the same feelings, though.

So. Off on hols tomorrow. Please keep fingers crossed we have happy news when we get back.

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