Friday, December 29, 2006

 

Stress

This is horribile. The whole TTC thing just takes over everything. I'm pretty sure it hasn't worked for me this month. Which is ok, but I'm sad about it, and I think this is compounded by all the emotion about Cagney's nearly this month. I want to be sure so I can have a tot of whiskey and relax. Just that, and I'd be fine. But until I'm sure, I can't, just in case. So I'm walking round feeling like a mad woman, in limbo land, unable to live my life (ok, ok, I know life doesn't depend on whiskey, though the direct translation of the Gaelic uisce beatha is water of life. But I also can't run, can't sleep through the night... kinda messes with your head!)

So, BIG apologies are due to Cagney, as my attempts at avoiding getting emotional in front of her means I distance myself from her. And that's kind of the hardest part of all this. We've been together nearly 10 years, and this year's been the best yet. Now, with this TTC stuff, I feel like we're jeopardising all that for something that may never happen. I know our relationship will survive, but we're losing what should be lovely days over the xmas hols to my TTC-related bad mood.

Cagney, I am so sorry.


Comments:
Hi there. Found your blog via lesbian families. You haven't updated in a while, but I hope you're still going. I have to say, you both must be very brave - trying at the same time.

Sorry to read about your early miscarriage - it must have been tough. I hope you are helping each other get through a difficult time - sounds like your donor-daddy is a good support too.

I too had worries about running after inseminating - couldn't find any evidence one way or the other, but I just avoid it for a couple of days after, to humour myself.

Good luck and keep blogging!
 
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