A New Family

This is horribile. The whole TTC thing just takes over everything. I'm pretty sure it hasn't worked for me this month. Which is ok, but I'm sad about it, and I think this is compounded by all the emotion about Cagney's nearly this month. I want to be sure so I can have a tot of whiskey and relax. Just that, and I'd be fine. But until I'm sure, I can't, just in case. So I'm walking round feeling like a mad woman, in limbo land, unable to live my life (ok, ok, I know life doesn't depend on whiskey, though the direct translation of the Gaelic uisce beatha is water of life. But I also can't run, can't sleep through the night... kinda messes with your head!)

So, BIG apologies are due to Cagney, as my attempts at avoiding getting emotional in front of her means I distance myself from her. And that's kind of the hardest part of all this. We've been together nearly 10 years, and this year's been the best yet. Now, with this TTC stuff, I feel like we're jeopardising all that for something that may never happen. I know our relationship will survive, but we're losing what should be lovely days over the xmas hols to my TTC-related bad mood.

Cagney, I am so sorry.