Friday, December 22, 2006


So emotional

This whole journey is far more emotional than I had ever expected. This last week - after positive pregnancy tests last weekend - none of us (Cagney, Travolta or me) have slept. So many possibilities and my mind racing ahead to a billion and one "what-if" scenarios. After all that, we went to the doc yesterday and he seemed really chuffed for us when Cagney said she thought she was pregnant. But the test was negative. It seems most likely that she was pregnant, but has had a very early miscarriage.

That she isn't mad, and that her symptoms were real is somehow comforting. The loss is real but very painful. However, Travolta's kind and generous response to all this uncertainty and bad news has been tremendous - happy to be with us or leave us alone, putting Cagney's feelings before his own, and it must be hard to deal with this alone. Another reason why we made a perfect choice.

Plus he's a silver lining kind of guy. We now know his sperm and Cagney's egg met. Which means they can do again. Whether I can bear to go through 9 months feeling like I did for the last week I can't bear to think about right now.

Oh dude... we had almost the mirror situation happen with my partner M's first pregnancy. The first beta was 9 or 12 or something low like that, then the second was 13. It sucked sucked sucked... for me. For some reason, M bounced back much more quickly, and went bravely forward. Try #4 was the one that brought us Kiddo.

Good luck, and feel free to BE MAD for awhile... it sucks to be so hyper-aware of ovulation timing that you have to catch the occasional chemical. Straights seem to miss out on the joy, have you noticed? Grr on them. Or grr on us?

Regardless, sorry this happened to YOU.
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